


cause now I'm even more lost

by Frival



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Hetalia Countries Using Human Names, Implied Sexual Content, Kinda, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Pining, its weird
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:08:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25413688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frival/pseuds/Frival
Summary: alfred and ivan sleep together and alfred has a crisis
Relationships: America/Russia (Hetalia)
Kudos: 50





	cause now I'm even more lost

Alfred had two problems: a dying urge for intimacy and becoming attached to said intimacy whenever he got it. He also tended to have the worst self-control imaginable.

So, it shouldn’t have been much a surprise to anyone when he decided to invite Ivan out to drink after a meeting that had run a little too late and was a little too boring. Apparently, leaving American minds to wander leads to situations like Alfred was in now.

They talked for hours at the bar they decided to take their escapade to, drink after drink slowly making their ways through both nation’s systems. The buzz of alcohol didn’t help with Alfred’s wandering mind.

This was not the first time Alfred’s non- existent self-control had made him invite Ivan back to his room.

And now, here he was. Walking back and forth on the same strip of pavement in front of the hotel lobby, jeans lazily put on and still undone from earlier, white undershirt wrinkled, and no shoes on his feet. It was cold.

Alfred was having a hard time comprehending what had happened earlier that night. He remembers tension slowly building as time passed and the drunker they had gotten. He remembers stumbling through the door, Ivan pressed tightly to his side and grinning, laughing, into the American’s neck. He remembers the excitement and giddiness and the hurry and thinking,

_God, finally._

He also remembers thinking about how much he’s missed the feeling of being touched everywhere, all attention on him. Ivan’s always told Alfred that he thrived in attention.

He didn’t realize how much he missed the Russian’s physical and verbal praises.

And now, having finally them again after years, he didn’t think he could give it up.

There was an issue, however. This time it was somehow different. The blonde has been aware of something in the back of his mind telling him that there was something more there, something beyond the need for touch and intimacy.

He loved him, he really did, and Ivan knew it too.

Another problem to add to Alfred’s list: He had a bad habit of telling Ivan dumb shit when he was drunk.

And now he didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t going to stop now that the line has been crossed, Alfred didn’t want it to stop. This night would happen again, and again, and again, just like it had in the past. Alfred cringed whenever he thought about how that had ended.

He wasn’t entirely sure if they could come back from it either, no matter what they felt for each other. He wasn’t entirely sure if Ivan’s feelings went anything beyond physical attraction.

Alfred’s deep thought turned to minor panic. He really didn’t know what to do, and he surely didn’t want to confront it when Ivan wakes up in the morning. Would Ivan even be there in the morning?

The idea of waking up in bed alone almost made Alfred feel sicker than the idea of confrontation.

The air bit at his bare skin.

_Goddamn, why didn’t I wear my jacket out here?_

“Are you cold?” A familiar accent made Alfred’s stomach sink. He was turned away from where Ivan was standing, and he refused to turn around.

“No.” A shiver racked through his body.

He heard Ivan sigh. “You’re lying.”

“I’m not cold!”

“Come back inside, Al. I’m tired.” The Russian walked up to him, standing a little closer than he probably should be.

“Then go back inside.” When Alfred turned his head he saw Ivan’s stoic face. His eyes showed more emotion, concern.

“Please?”

Alfred squinted his eyes, defiant. “Do we have to talk about anything?”

“No,” Ivan slid his hand down Alfred’s arm before taking his hand. “Unless you want to,”

The American shook his head, he was caught off guard by Ivan’s gentleness.

The other smiled softly. “Okay,” he began away, hand still clasped around Alfred’s, pulling him along.

When Alfred gave in and followed behind him he couldn’t help but think about how horrible of an idea it was.


End file.
